


never alone in the dark

by Youneedwestallen



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M, Sexual Tension, westallen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:35:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23947039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Youneedwestallen/pseuds/Youneedwestallen
Summary: a universe where savitar didn't get erased from existence and later meets mirror iris. (cus i cant be the only one that thinks they would make a hot ass couple)
Relationships: Barry Allen/Iris West, Savitar/Iris West, mirror iris/savitar
Comments: 8
Kudos: 22





	never alone in the dark

**Author's Note:**

> hii :) if you`re like me and like listening to music whilst reading (the story is just better with music idk) here are some songs that I listened to whilst writing this cus they fit with the story lol  
> Ghost of you - 5sos  
> Saturn - sleeping at last  
> Someone to stay - Vancouver sleep clinic (this song was written for them idc)  
> Still have you - Freya Ridings (the song in 6x17)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If ya`ll like listening to music while reading like me then here are some songs i listened to whilst writing this cus they kind of fit with the story lmao  
> Ghost of you - 5sos  
> Saturn - sleeping at last  
> Someone to stay - Vancouver sleep clinic (this song was written for them idc)  
> Still have you - Freya Ridings (the song in 6x17)

It had been 3 years since his whole existence was suppose to be erased and he was destined to be forgotten and abandoned once more. Learning from his rivals, Savitar knew to always think ahead. To have a plan A, B and C. If he was going to succeed he had to think of every possible outcome so that's what he did. His original plan to kill Iris failed leaving him with the last two options, to splice himself throughout the whole of time and create his own negative speed force just like Thawne. That way no matter how many times he was erased he would always be able to come back to whatever time he desired.

Barry and Iris did offer him to stay with them, to help him but he knew all the time he would be around them he would be treated as an outcast. In his eyes he was the real Barry; Iris is his wife, Joe is his dad, Cisco and Caitlin were his friends yet he has to accept the fact that he`s just a remnant, made selfishly by original Barry to be disposed of when he was done with him. This life that he remembers wasn't his and that angered him - he hated Barry. He`d taken everything from him there was no way he could spend his life watching him live the life that was suppose to be his. It would have been so easy to kill him but he loved Iris too much to do that, even though it hurt that she didn't love him the way she loved _her_ Barry. Besides, killing Barry would mean him being erased again and that was way too much effort for what it was worth.

Savitar stayed in the shadows for the past 3 years. He couldn't bare the memories coming back to him every time original Barry and Iris shared a moment together - ones that he was so desperate to experience himself. He`d built a mental activity dampener, so very similar to the one Harry had built for Cecile which they later used against DeVoe to block them out and save his already broken heart from being trampled on all over again. He hated being reminded that she wasn't his and it angered him like nothing else.

When he first started receiving the memories he would occasionally stop and let them consume him. Closing his eyes, remembering the way her soft skin felt on his and the way her warm kisses made him feel when she pressed them down his jawline, neck and torso. But then she moans the name he resents and he`s reminded her kisses and moans are not for him. _"Barry"_ He would snap out of his beautiful nightmare the second she would mutter that one personal pronoun, with gritted teeth.

He spent his days in an abandoned warehouse owned by STAR labs. It belonged to Barry but he never made use of it so savitar might as well. He had been well organised with his plan to stop himself from erasing from existence but not as quite organised with what he was gonna do with his life afterwards. Not long after Iris had shot him and made everyone believe he was gone forever, he went back and forth in time and watched some of his favourite memories and pretended it was him and that original Barry didn't exist. He watched his first meeting with Iris, the time his parents took him to get ice cream in Masonville when they couldn't make it to his science fair in time due to their car breaking down, he even went back to his first kiss with iris but the more he watched the more angry and depressed he got. 

He decided to live his own life. He promised to leave all `Barry`s` memories behind and become his own person. He was mad at every single person he was suppose to care about; Joe, Cisco, Caitlin, Wally, Wells, Cecile and Iris. Whatever life he was gonna live he wouldn't want them to be a part of it, knowing all they would do Is hurt him all over again.

Forgetting about them became easy and he soon had been so angry and upset for so long that he became numb. He felt nothing. Except for Iris, she was the only one he couldn`t stop thinking about and he hated it - he hated how he loved her.

To hide his identity he used the facial transmogrifier HR had left behind but only ever wore a different face out in public. Thawne had left a stash of money for Barry when he was disguising as wells which Barry didn't know about yet, luckily savitar did. He used that to pay for food and coffee. He went to jitters fairly regularly, knowing Iris spent a lot of her time there. He`d stare at her for a few minutes from a distance before leaving. He went more frequently when Nora was around. His heart warmed at the sight of her knowing that she was part of him. It felt like all the broken pieces of his heart stuck themselves back together but then shattered again as he reminded himself this life he was seeing was not his and he was to never have that life with Iris. He stayed to watch the laugh he adored so much before speeding back to his depression den.

Other days, he would just lay in the abandoned warehouse reading a book or painting. It seemed funny that an evil villain would be a guy of the arts but to his credit, Savitar was actually very good at it and It helped relax him. He found it very therapeutic.

Today was one of those days. He lay on his bed staring at the ceiling, lost in his own thoughts.

His thought process was interrupted by the sound of one of the doors to the warehouse opening and quickly slamming again. He jumped to his feet and slowly walked to where the sound had come from. He never locked the doors because he was certain everyone forgot this place existed just like they had forgotten he existed. He heard heavy breaths, almost sounding like someone was having a panic attack. He then heard a scream - a scream he flinched at the sound of as he recognised who it came from.

Iris.

A loud smash followed the scream along with a series of distressed `no`s.

He appeared from around the tall crates he was hiding from and saw her.

His heart sank to his stomach and he watched her struggle.

She was gasping for air as her panic attack continued to control her. She gathered the pieces to the broken mirror she had smashed and threw them out the door she had come in from, cutting her hand on one of them.

Savitar stood there the whole time with his arms folded as he studied her every move from head to toe. When she had thrown all the pieces out with rage she screamed again before punching the wall.

"God dammit!" she yelled.

Her body sunk to the floor and she clasped her hair in her hands, punching herself in the head a few times. She had managed to steady her breathing but her eyes were still kind of puffy. She jumped up, grabbing some papers she had bought with her and ran over to a whiteboard that hid in the corner of the open space.

Savitar stepped back, hiding behind the crates again. He peeped his head round the corner to continue watching her.

She quickly dusted the whiteboard off with her sleeve and began pining up pictures and equations before rummaging through her pockets and pulling out a pen. With shaking hands she began to write her own equations down but slamming her fist on the board and rubbing them out the second she`d finish them with a groan. She got more and more frustrated the more she wrote. 

Savitar studied her further and smirked softly to himself.

Without a thought he began to slowly walk towards her.

She had her back to him and had no idea of his presence, so lost in her own frustration. Her bleeding hand was clenched at her side as she struggled to write with the other.

He now stood just centimetres behind her - so close he could smell her. He felt like his heart was beating out of his chest and all he wanted to do was reach out to her and hold her in his arms. He closed his eyes and took in her scent and the feel of her presence.

"NO!" Iris punched the whiteboard once again but taking a step back this time. She yelped at the feel of someone else`s presence behind her, it being completely unexpected. She took more steps back creating distance between them when she turned quickly to see who it was. 

Savitar stayed where he was but turned to where she was now standing - a few metres away from him.

"Barry" She widened her eyes and looked to the whiteboard she had been working on. Barry wasn`t suppose to know who she was yet and what she had displayed on that board pretty much exposed everything. 

The man stood before her huffed

"look again," he turned his face showing her the scar that's plastered there.

"I-I don't understand" Iris shook her head and furrowed her brows

"its a long story" he sighed "but I`m not Barry" there was a pause, they both stared at each other. He looked her up and down "just like you`re not Iris" Savitar had on the occasion turned his mental activity dampener off on his lonelier days. He`d noticed something was off with Iris and he had all the time to work out it wasn't her whereas Barry had been too distracted. 

"wh- what are you talking about" she shifted nervously and started scratching the back of her hand.

"don't worry your secrets safe with me" he smirked.

There was another silence. 

"I`m sorry who are you?" 

"doesn`t matter. What does matter is who are you? We know you`re not Iris so who are you?"

she froze. How did she know he wasn`t going to tell the real Barry?

Savitar noticed her stillness and sensed she didn`t trust him.

"If I was working for them do you really think I would be tucked up, hiding here for the past three years abandoned and forgotten?" he laughed to himself, "no, cus Barry Allen, good old perfect Barry Allen and his crew they would never do this to someone they care about"

Iris could see the anger and pain in his eyes as he enunciated the name he clearly despised.

He wasn`t with them.

"they hurt you?" she questioned

He huffed again.

"nah. they`re all dead to me" He took a step closer "so tell me, who are you and how do you have Iris` face?"

Iris hesitated before speaking, "it`s sort of a long story but I was created when my mother trapped real Iris in a sort of mirrorverse, I guess. She cloned her, creating me to be Iris and get her all that she needed. My mother, she`s trapped in this mirrorverse and I must help her get out and I promised her success is assured. Only-" she stopped talking knowing she shouldn`t tell him anything else.

"only what?"

She sighed before looking around ensuring there were no reflective surfaces where Eva could be spying on her. "Once my mission is complete... I must die"

Savitar furrowed his brows. This sounded much like his own story. Created as a disposable life, to be used by someone and then thrown away the second they were done with you. He felt her fear. The fear he once felt when he knew he needed to die for Barry. He looked to her workings out on the board.

"this. You`re trying to stop yourself from dying?"

"no I must, it`s my duty I promised mother-"

"so what you promised mother. You don't wanna die that's your choice you don't have to"

she tilted her head at him and parted her lips. They made quick eye contact before he shied away.

"I wasn't made like a normal person. My only purpose is to serve mother and have an honourable death" her bottom lip trembled but she managed to stop any tears from falling and stayed strong.

Savitar shook his head.

"okay. If that's what you think you want. But believe me your death wont be honourable. Everyone will just carry on like you never existed...like you didn't matter" he looked to the ground. "Trust me. I know what it feels like to be created just for the benefit of someone else. For someone else to convince you that dying for them is your purpose, but its not. They`ll take everything from you but only if you let them...you can come out of this alive"

"alive" Iris whispered, looking up at him with hopeful eyes. 

Savitar wasn't one to help people. He much preferred to work alone and spend his days alone but only because no one understood him. This Iris stood before him was just like him, maybe it wouldn`t be bad having her around. Maybe this was his time to finally have the life with Iris he`d dreamt of. 

He never wanted to kill original Iris before despite how angry he was at her for not treating him the same, so helping this Iris may fill the guilt hole embedded in his heart. Besides, `an enemy of my enemy is my friend` right?

"you- you said you know what its like being created for someone else... like me. What do you mean by that? are you a clone too?" mirror Iris asked curiously.

"not exactly" he took a seat on a stool he pulled out from nearby. "I`m what they call a time remnant"

Mirror Iris looked at him confused.

"It`s a long story but... Barry Allen created me in the future, at least he was suppose to. He wanted me to help him defeat an evil speedster and to do that I had to sacrifice my life" he laughed to himself "only that`s not something I was prepared to do. He treated me as a cheap, disposable life and I`ve hated him ever since"

"I`m sorry. You didn`t deserve that." Iris` heart ached and she felt his pain in her own chest. 

"I`m over it. I lived...kind of"

"how?"

"that doesn't matter. How I managed to survive wouldn't be a help to you"

Iris` heart sunk at his words.

"you said you`re a remnant, like a duplicate of Barry does that mean you have his thoughts, his feelings?"

"we have the same memories. That`s how I know you weren`t Iris, you might have wanted to learn a thing or two about her before you decided to become her it was kind of obvious. Never make perfect pancakes"

"wait you don't think Barry-"

"he hasn't worked it out yet. But it wont be long before he does so you might wanna stop doing things that seem suspect"

"right." She studied him. He didn't make eye contact with her much, his head facing slightly to the right to hide his scars. He was very guarded. "You have the same feelings as Barry... does that mean" she hesitated, "does that mean you love her...Iris"

His eyes shifted to hers and quickly back to the floor. 

He cleared his throat.

"I told you before, I`m not Barry. His life is not my life"

"of course"

"you look like Iris does that mean you love Barry?" he chuckled and she froze.

Over the past few weeks, Iris had found herself thinking about him more than the mission at hand. At first she was emotionless but the longer she spent with him, watching the way he would look at her and the way his smile would light up the room whenever she walked in it she began to feel real emotions. She loved the way he made her feel like she was the only girl in the world and like she was the only thing he needed to survive. She mattered and she was his world. Her heart would beat fast and her insides felt all warm when he would lay in the same bed next to her as she watched his bare chest rise and fall so peacefully.

She had to do frequent reality checks and remind herself that this life was not hers. She did not belong here. But then He`d smile and she`d get those feelings all over again. She didn't know what it was but she didn't want it to ever end but knew it had to. She was destined to die and leave this life she had grown to want so bad behind.

Iris knew she shouldn't be feeling this way and she had to obey Eva but she couldn't help but try and find another way. A way where she can live and learn to understand what it feels like to be alive whilst still saving her mother... or escaping from her control. 

"no. no of course not" she nervously laughed and scratched the back of her bleeding hand again. 

Savitar knew she was lying but didn't question it further. She could figure out her feelings on her own like he had to.

There was a long awkward silence.

He looked at her blood covered hand and his left leg started to bounce up and down.

He was taken back to the night he tried to kill the woman that looked identical to the one standing before him. He envisioned her dark coloured coat soaking up the dark red liquid pouring from the wound he had caused. He felt the blade slice through her back as she took a sharp gasp - her last breath. He heard his own screams as he ran away from the murder scene, unable to bare seeing what he had done.

His hands shook and he felt sick at the thought.

He never wanted to kill Iris he had to but even knowing he didn't kill her in this timeline, just the thought of it tore him apart.

He took another look at her bleeding hand and shot up from where he was sat. He grabbed a box and Iris watched him. He placed it on a table and turned to her, still not making eye contact.

"let me help you" he muttered

Iris stared at him for a minute. He was so broken. She walked towards him slowly.

"sit here" He pulled out another stool and she obeyed his command.

Savitar opened the box and pulled out a fresh cloth and some alcohol sanitizer. He poured some onto the cloth and stared at her hand again.

He hesitated before brushing his pale hand under hers, lifting it so he can access the wound.

She looked up at him as he just stared at her hand.

His heart skipped a beat the second her soft flesh made contact with his. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"this might hurt a little. I`m-" _sorry_. He cleared his throat not wanting to vocalise that one sincere word.

Savitar took the cloth and dabbed her cut. Iris winced at the stinging sensation. He stopped for a second before continuing.

Once he had cleaned her hand of the blood he analysed the depth of the cut. Luckily it wasn't deep enough for stitches.

With a deep breath, he pulled out a bandage and took her hand in his again. It felt like his heart was going to fly out of his chest from where it was beating so fast, even for him. He tightly wrapped the bandage around her hand, thinking back to the times Iris had seen to the small cuts he got on his knees when he`d fall whilst running from bullies back in their elementary/middle school days.

He`d finished wrapping the white material around her cut but still gently held her hand in his, not taking his eyes off them.

Iris looked to his eyes that refused to meet hers. 

She went to pull her hand away and as she did Savitar sat up immediately looking away and began packing up his first aid kit. 

He swallowed the lump in his throat. "It should be healed in a couple of days, just make sure to keep it clean." His voice was husky.

"Thank you" She pulled down her sleeve.

Iris watched him put the box back from where he got it from. He was very heavy handed, like he was angry with everything all the time. Contrasting with the gentle touch he used when he held her hand.

He was much more like Barry than he wanted to accept, she could see that.

There was another long silence.

She cleared her throat and stood up. She had so many questions and she wanted nothing more than to stay and listen to his story. Find the cause of the pain behind his eyes and understand him. She wanted to know how he overcame not listening to his creator and choosing his own life over others. However, she could tell she was causing him pain by the fact he could barely look at her. She didn't know why but she wasn't gonna force him to talk about it.

"okay well thank you. I`m sorry if I bothered you, I`ll get going. Barry will be wondering where I am," Iris gathered her papers she slightly turned her head towards Savitar and smiled softly.

` _Barry`_. She had to get back to _`Barry`._ OG Allen was gonna take Iris West from him twice. Rage burned inside of him at the sound of his name.

He lifted his head for the first time and made eye contact but quickly shied away when he saw her smile.

He could have sworn his heart stopped.

They didn't say anymore until Iris turned away and began to walk out of the door she had come through before with such panic. She felt his eyes on her as she pushed on the door handle to leave and that urge to stay filled her again.

"Iri-" 

Mirror Iris stopped at the sound of him half whisper her name. She turned her head slightly so she could see him in her peripheral vision, her back still facing him.

Another silence fell upon the abandoned, almost empty warehouse.

Savitar stood there, hesitant.

"will you let me help you?" His eyes lifted to look at her face to see her reaction and a pit grew in his stomach as he awaited her reply.

Iris turned round so she was facing him.

"you can help me?" she questioned

"I can try... if you`ll let me" his voice broke

"how?"

"I don't know yet. But I can help you figure it out, like I did for me"

Iris furrowed her brows "why would you wanna help me?" she spoke with a soft tone

Savitar turned his head away again and shrugged.

"I know what its like to be in your position" he admitted however that wasn't the only reason.

Iris slowly walked towards him.

His eyes quickly looked towards her and shot back to the ground when he noticed her drawing closer to him.

"you still love her, don't you?" she whispered. She could sense it; the way he crumbled when he touched her hand and the way he would always shy away from her.

He didn't answer.

She slowly reached out and placed her hand on his scarred face.

Savitar closed his eyes and took in the feel of her touch that he`d longed for, for so long. He opened his eyes and looked properly into hers for the first time. They were just as he remembered, having the power to make him fall in love with her all over again as he got lost in them. 

"its okay" she assured him, her voice still a whisper.

"let me help you...please" he spoke softly.

"okay" she gently smiled and she was sure she saw his lips curl slightly but not enough to identify as a smile. "thank you." She vocalised after another short silence.

His eyes didn't leave her face until they were interrupted by Iris` phone pinging.

She removed her hand from his face and pulled out her cell.

"I have to get going I`m sorry" she sighed, "STAR labs emergency" she gathered her papers and made her way to the door

"you`ll be here tomorrow?" she turned to him.

"yeah" he replied.

"okay" 

She smiled at him before making her exit and Savitar was left standing alone where she had left him. He stared at the door for a while after she had left.

"every tomorrow"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so i was super excited to write this fic and really wanna make it into a series. Thanks for reading and please let me know in the comments if you want me to write more chapters :))  
> olso follow my insta @youneedwestallen <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :)) I was hoping to make this in to a series but only if it doesn't flop too bad. lemme know what u think in the comments


End file.
